I don't mean to sound full of myself, but after using Facebook 8 hours a day, there are times that I'm really proud of what I've come up with after hours of off-and-on pondering for the right funny words to say. That's what people don't realize, though. Some of those comments. Take HOURS. Just to show you what goes into making a witty comment for me on a daily basis, I'll give you an example: The other day a friend posts on Facebook "Did you know under Obama's new health care plan all Americans will be required to run 10 miles a week?" Not something I am interested in discussing, because I'm not into politics. I honestly could not give a shit who the hell gets elected and what they have to say. There, I said it. I will go as far as to say that I despise everyone who goes to a political convention. But this friend is known for his light-hearted sense of humor, so I took it as a joke and moved on. I look back an hour or so later because I have nothing to do at work and there are a slew of comments. Some humorous, but definitely more than a just a dingleberry of downer know-it-all people stating "FACT: bluh bluh bluh 10 miles is nothing" and people responding "FACT: bluh bluh bluh what about the lack of MRI's?" So I felt the need to step in and put people in their place with a little humor and a little obscenity to a degree that would make them nervous being alone in a room with me. My response: "FACT: I made an email address for my penis."
It just came naturally to me. But then my friend said "Joe, when ur dick checks its emails do u put eyes on it like the ones on top of the money in the Geico commercials? And if this is the case, what role did Obama play in it?" It was as if I was on the stage at Improv Night and given the task of playing a glass of water comically. I don't do political humor! How the hell do I relate Obama's health care plan to my penis having an email!?! I was sunk. Hours went by, that last comment lingering unanswered and waiting for my response. I finally came up with a tame "Actually just glasses and a stethoscope. Who do you think is filling out your Canadian prescriptions!!! Muahaha, filthy Americans!!....?" And skulked away with shame into oblivion. Actually I just started looking up corny jokes, check this one out:
-What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
-40 pounds!
In addition, using Facebook and not having any human contact for most of my work day has atrophied my in person social skills! I find myself fumbling for the right thing to say in conversations which is really frustrating. Oh, to be Stephen Hawking. Being a computer nerd himself, I'm sure the only reason why he sounds so smart is because he needs to prepare his conversation with you a week in advance.
