Alarm goes off.

8:50am. Crap. Work is at 9am. I was up watching garbage dating shows on MTV until 3am the night before, not like that's different than any other night. I slam the snooze down with an ape like claw and pass out for another 20 minutes before I decide I'd better get to work. After smushing my face with lathered hands and tossing my contacts in, I kick over a few beer bottles left in my room on my way to pick up a pair of pants off of the floor. "No sauce stains...These ones are clean!", I think to myself. I walk the one block to work and grumble hello to M. in accounting, the woman who scowls at me every day because I am the last person to get to work every morning. I mumble something about traffic, fully aware that they know I live literally 20 seconds from work. A little snicker that I add at the end of any statement turns an outright lie into a joke, right?

I sit at my computer and rot. These are tough times no doubt, but tougher times when you're a 60 year old stationery store half a mile from a Staples. While the phone sales department that I work in is usually busy with school and county contracts, the physical store is a junk heap that serves as a recreation center for the old and insane. People that I'm sure have been banned for life at the Staples meander through the door and start opening items, bending and playing with them, and then leaving them broken on the shelf. When did anyone learn that this was acceptable behavior in a store? An old man comes in with images of nude or semi-nude women and cut out heads from photos of women he obviously knows. He wants the heads put on the bodies of the models. Interesting. Even more interesting is when he brings in full intercourse shots and the head he wants on the male in the picture is a shot of him brightly grinning in a family picture from a past thanksgiving. Then there's the tortured artist, a man who comes in to buy paint brushes that I later see riding on his bike at 10pm around town once in a while, maniacally laughing and smiling like he just invented the thing.

Since I have nothing else going on, I figured I'd make a blog about all of the stupid things that I do to look busy. I don't know what's in store for this summer, when all schools are out and there is a lull in business even during good years. Maybe an online degree? Online parcheesi champion of the world? Stay tuned!